The Billionaire Performance Improvement Plan
Do all billionaires go to heaven? No! Absolutely not. Of course not. So, I drafted a Billionaire Performance Improvement Plan (henceforth, the B-PIP) for the billionaires who want to spend eternity with the rest of us.
I know billionaires have disdain for HR leaders, I don’t blame them! I don’t love a PIP, but sometimes, it’s necessary. If billionaires want to see what’s behind those pearly gates, if they don’t want to be ushered into the elevator, out the door, and down into the darkness, there are some things they need to address in a timely and sustainable manner.
B-PIP
We (The People) want all people to be successful in their lives, careers, and contributions toward the fulfillment of society’s goals. We are, as a collective, not opposed to success, or even wealth. We want people to “get their bag.” We do, however, recognize that there are reasonable limits to wealth, power, and influence. On occasion, immediate action is required in order for a billionaire to satisfy those expectations.
In recent years, and, at an accelerating pace, there have been gaps in billionaire performance. This plan outlines where improvement is required and facilitates an ongoing dialogue so that billionaires can work toward sustained performance improvement in their roles as humans.
Baseline expectations associated with the role of Human on Earth are indicated here:
- Respect people’s dignity
- Do not harm people (individuals or the collective) when you can reasonably avoid it
- Repair the damage you’ve done
- Use power responsibly
- Share burdens fairly
- Be accountable
- Do not take more than your fair share
- Let others experience freedom
- Practice compassion
- Leave the world better, and especially not worse, than you found it
Specifics regarding performance gaps as well as expectations to achieve full performance are included below.
Gap: You follow the patterns of 19th century robber barons to the ongoing detriment of society. The wealthiest among us have long found ways to launder…their reputations to increase their legitimacy and benefit their legacy. In the past, they chose universities, libraries, museums, and research institutions as benefactors. Noble, yes, but also narcissistic. You’ve chosen to create a portfolio of power and influence through politics, media, sports, and even space.
Expectations:
- Choose the present over pledges, there are problems worth solving today.
- Invest beyond your self interest. Invest faster and more generously. You have funds to spare.
Gap: You assume your talents and expertise in certain domains apply to all domains.
Expectations:
- Stop speaking publicly about everything as if you’re an expert, you’re rich. Refrain from disparaging actual experts.
- Stop making decisions on behalf of humanity that benefit you, and expecting everyone else to pay for it, and be happy about it. In order to achieve full performance, you also need to stop telling people what to think and how to feel. The People are wary of your gaslighting.
Gap: You leverage loopholes to avoid paying taxes.
Expectations:
- Just pay a representative amount, please. And don’t complain about it. The rest of us do our part, it’s annoying, but generally for the common good.
Gap: You manipulate systems and structures of influence to shape political outcomes.
Expectations:
- All systems work to your advantage. Let the will of the people, as expressed by our votes, mean something again.
- Exceeding expectations would require public condemnation of dark money, Super PAC spending, and astroturfing, along with visible support of measures including term limits, campaign finance reform, lobbying restrictions, independent redistricting, and voting rights protections.
Gap: You expect the government to cover your business’ obligations.
Expectations:
- Pay your employees a fair, livable wage. Provide healthcare, reasonable flexibility, and parental leave. The bar is really low. Embrace humanity and you’ll be surprised what you get in return.
Gap: You misrepresent and complain about how others perceive your verified actions and words.
Expectations:
- Stop complaining about being vilified when you embody cartoonish movie villains.
- Research good people (both current and historical) and take steps to replicate their impact.
Gap: You serve shareholders to the detriment of the employees and customers who generate your wealth.
Expectations:
- Observers comment on this pattern of behavior with increasing frustration. Changes in your approach, as well as quick visible steps to demonstrate a commitment to humans other than yourself will go a long way. Many of these steps have been outlined here.
Immediate and sustained improvement is required, and we expect that billionaires will be able to incorporate and begin to make tangible progress based on this feedback. We will conduct a comprehensive assessment of your performance on an ongoing basis.
In order to support your improvement, we are willing to provide access to a suite of experts…aka, normal people (of all backgrounds, socioeconomic levels, and identities) to help you gain empathy, understanding, and a grounding in reality.
Failure to achieve the stated objectives and successfully meet performance expectations during and after the PIP will result in disciplinary action up to and including damnation. Failure is defined as:
- Not following the requirements listed above
- No marked improvement in the areas identified as areas of concern with your performance
- Not sustaining the improvements outlined in this plan over time
To avoid further, irreparable damage to our human operating model, we, The People, are eager to see your improvement.
As a billionaire on Earth, you acknowledge receipt of this feedback.
Sign Here: ____________________________
